Q. Is it rude to ask a guest in your home to take their shoes off? As a visitor, I don’t want to take my shoes off, and I do not want to come to your house if you expect me to do so
A. There are any number of reasons why a host might establish a house rule of no shoes indoors. In many Asian countries, it is standard practice, with homes in Japan even having an area known as a genkan, where you deposit your footwear and transition to a pair of slippers prior to entering.
In the United States, although the custom is rarer, it is not unheard of, particularly in cities with multistory dwellings. In such homes, in addition to reasons of hygiene, taking off one’s shoes prior to entry is also a consideration for the noise sensibilities of downstairs neighbors.
And yet, for guests who, like Bette Midler, believe “With the right footwear one can rule the world,” a shoe-removal request might prove unsettling. So what can a host do to lessen the impact of this edict for visitors who would prefer to remain shod? A few suggestions follow:
• Alert your guests in advance so they are not caught unaware
• Clean your floors well before the get-together; to neglect this detail would be hypocritical
• Ensure your home is well-heated in the winter and that the floors are not chillingly cold
• Establish a dedicated, tidy area for people to leave their shoes—one that will not become a gigantic mountain of footwear as more people deposit their kicks
• Offer freshly packaged slippers or party-themed socks for all to wear and take home with them
Remember that your goal is to be a good guest—not a pesky one. To take a more extreme example, would you light up a cigarette and proceed to smoke it in your friend’s home?
Take the host’s request at face value and though you may not like it, abide by the shoe-free rule whenever you visit.
Mister Manners, Thomas P. Farley, is a nationally regarded expert who appears regularly in the media to discuss modern-day etiquette dilemmas. To be featured here, send your questions to info@whatmannersmost.com or via Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram to @MisterManners. For more insights, subscribe to his podcast, “What Manners Most.”)
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